8 Things No One Tells You About Winter Biking in København

When you move to København, you're generally pretty aware of the strong biking culture the city has. And if not you pick up on it quickly, when you realize not having a bike is almost as much of a disability as not having one of your feet. And biking is awesome- it's by far the easiest and most convenient way to get most places. But when the snow starts falling, the whole game changes.

For starters, you get the unmitigated joy of digging your bike out, both of snow, and hundreds of other bikes.

1. Bike lanes don't get plowed, and even if they do, it's poorly done, and you lose about half a meter from the width of the lane. This allows you to get stuck behind slow people. Bike traffic jams are the best.
2. If you think people in New Jersey turn into terrible drivers when it snows, don't even attempt to bike in København in the snow. People instantly go into weeble mode. (A reference that maybe three people reading this will get. Basically they go into super-slow, super-cautious mode.)
3. Snow and bike tires do not go together. Zero traction.
4. Bike baskets are very useful and wonderful things, but a heavily laden one in snowy conditions can dangerously unbalance your bike. Skid city.
5. Unless you like arriving places with with mascara smeared all over your face, looking like you just went through the worst break up of all times and are seconds away from shovling down a pint and a half of Ben & Jerry's, eye makeup should be avoided.
6. It's cold; much colder than skiing, because ski pants would be darkly frowned upon by the fashion-concisous Danes.
7. Long coats are vital. Not only do they look good, but they insulate your legs.
8. Bike locks freeze. Be prepared to give them mouth-to-mouth. In the street. People will find this strange. Deal with it.

The majestic beast, just returned from a harrowing expedition to the grocery store.